Better Days

I told Gym Teacher that I had stopped using the cane. It felt like telling my mom I wasn't a virgin anymore. However unlike my mom in that moment, Gym Teacher pumped her fist in the air several times. And I thought I was going to get in trouble. She said sometimes people find it's too much and they go back to using it.

There have definitely been days when I felt like I needed to pick up the cane again, days when I'm strolling around the park with my friend and her new baby and I'm the one that needs to stop and rest every 10 minutes. Then there are the other days, when nothing hurts, walking's a breeze, one leg doesn't feel shorter and weaker than the other. In other words, not that different from my pre-surgery, what-will-today-bring life. I'm hoping the better days will begin to dramatically outnumber the crap days. Mostly, I'm trying not to get depressed about having to go through this whole thing again in April when the hardware is removed. I try to console myself with the truth that it will be much less of a production, both because I've done it once already, and because it's literally less of a production to take it out than to put it in (4 weeks on crutches/50% weight bearing, as opposed to 6 weeks/no weight bearing).

People say, "You're so strong/ You're so disciplined/ You're so motivated, you'll do fine" when I start talking about the second surgery. But there's really nothing uplifting to say about it. The best response came from my friend who looked at me silently for a few seconds, and then started laughing really, really hard. As a fellow inhabitant of a body that's breaking down far too young, she gets it. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for all the concern and support that I'm getting - quite the opposite, I'm sure I wouldn't have made it this far without all of you, and please don't go anywhere. It's just nice to have someone to revel with in the delightful ass-kicking we're both receiving.