Thursday, February 21, 2008

Full Disclosure

I didn't want to write this.

I've received tons of emails and messages from fellow hip women that all say how much they love the positivity and humor in my blog and how much it's helped them get ready for their own surgeries. I felt like admitting anything less than total success would be to let you all down in some way. But then I remembered the very first entry that I wrote, sometime around this time last year, and how I promised that I would tell all, good, bad and ugly.

So what I haven't been saying, what I've been trying to protect you from, is this:

I'm in pain. My hip hurts. Not just the ass spasms, but in the front, along the crease, the way it used to pre-surgery.

It's not constant, and I think it's related to the recent cold weather and having to pound along on the concrete streets of NYC, but it's really depressing me. I can't help but feel like all this was for nothing.

I know that there was always a possibility that this surgery wouldn't be enough. On the other hand, maybe it has been enough, maybe I don't need anything else except to move to a warmer climate (Matt and Marla you may get your LA wish after all). Or maybe I need a PAO as well. I don't know. Maybe the reality is, once dysplasia starts to show up, the available options are just stop-gaps along the road.

I don't like feeling that I don't have an answer. But I have to be honest, and sit here, and tell you that I don't. Maybe you have the answer for me.

4 comments:

Cass said...

Sarah,

Maybe the answer is that there are no answers, and the best we can do is get through one day at a time, making the best decisions we can with the information we have.

I'm sorry about your pain, and I truly hope it's something temporary.

And don't feel bad that you have to give us bad news. We're all pulling for one another and look for each other for support, but it should never be at the expense of you not being able to tell the truth. We're here to support you as well as we can and you're right: That means the good, the bad and the ugly.

Best wishes, and keep us posted.

Cassie

Anonymous said...

Sarah

Thanks for the update even though it is not great news. However, you are due to get the screws and plates out and perhaps that may help. Cold does seem to be a factor as well. I know because I am grumpy today because I'll be shoveling at a 1/2 foot or so today as long as I get home safely and my hips don't like that. In addition, remember there are no guarantees in life and medicine is an art. Perhaps you have been doing too much of something or not enough of something else. Balance and breathe I'm not going to say everything is going to be great but there could be many reasons for this so continue on reporting the good, bad, and ugly...as you investigate the latest chapter on your own hip journey
Good Luck
Take care
RK
Karen

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear that, Sadie.

Can you hold out 'til March 3rd or should you/can you schedule an earlier meeting with Dr. B?

There's a comfy* AeroBed with your name on it, if you'd like to come for an extended stay to warm up, check out the "hood," etc.

. p

I'll call you Sunday. Remember where we watched the Oscars last year? Lots can change -- nothing is permanent!

m

*not comfy

Hip Chick said...

Hi Sarah,

I too am sorry to hear of your pain, but I also think that cold weather with a big hunk of metal in your hip could be a major contributing factor. Your body is probably ready for it to be gone - maybe this is its way of letting you know. I would call Eileen or Dr. B. and get back to HSS as soon as you can.

Hang in there.

best,
Laura a.k.a. hipchicknyc