Thursday, May 3, 2007

Pissy Sacrum, and the Reappearance of My Right Knee

So we all know what we're talking about:

Mine is having a serious fit. It is not at all happy with what I've done to my leg, because it had organized my whole spine around how things used to be and done such a good job that I had no back pain. Now I go and change everything, and it's pissed, big-time. Not only is it pissed, but it's running for the hills. It's literally moved up and to the left, as far away from the incision as it can get. If it could speak, it would be saying "Who the fug turned on the lights in here? What the hell is going on? A little heads up would have been nice... I don't get no respect..." (I guess my sacrum is Rodney Dangerfield)

It's the biggest discomfort that I'm having right now, varying from slightly uncomfortable to seriously protruding and swollen, like - I can't even think of what it looks like. A mini-boob? Weird, I know, but take pity. I haven't been outside in a while. Apparently there's just a lot of fluid that's not draining because I'm not moving around alot and it's pooling at the sacrum. Time for me to get up on my crutches a lot more and start doing hallway laps.

Good news is the swelling in my leg keeps going down and my right knee has actually reappeared as a knee - hooray! I'm still twice as wide on the right side as on the left, but it's narrowing down from front to back, if that makes sense. My left leg is also getting smaller daily as the muscles atrophy from disuse... I'm the incredible shrinking lady.

Physical therapy has begun in earnest. I'm doing about 45 minutes to an hour twice a day. Some of the exercises involve actually moving and some are just isometric (which is what, dear students?) It's quite funny though, there are some things that my right leg just won't do no matter how much I try. Sitting up I can now bend my right knee enough to put my foot on the floor and sit comfortably at the computer to type this. But I literally cannot lift my right leg straight up and take my foot off the floor. I also can't move my right leg sideways to the right very much. So these are all exercises that I work on. Apparently eventually I will be able to lift my foot and move the leg and all that. But it's pretty bizarre not to be able to do such simple moves. I'm on the walker/crutches for the next 5 weeks until my next post-op appointment with Dr. Buly, but I can't put any serious weight down on my right foot. Not that I want to. When I stand up my right leg feels incredibly heavy.

In this as in all things, just working on coming back to the tranquil center. When I meditate now the words "I am not the body and mind" have special resonance. Even in my moments of sadness and depression (and the nurse said that the Vicadin would make me a little loopy, but I think this situation in itself is enough to make anyone a little loopy) I remind myself that this is just my mind having a little fit, but it is not who I am. It's the tapas, the challenges in life that mold us into who we are.

No comments: