"They're Making a Movie of Cats!"

Aka, my life is one long production number. Got sprung from the hospital Saturday which was fantastic. Did my lap of the floor and 4 stairs up and down (I don't know why it's sideways and I don't have the wherewithal to figure it out right now - y'all just have to tilt yourselves) and got the ok from the PT to go home. Never been so happy to leave a place. As we were driving across town I couldn't believe all the regular people going about their lives on a sunny Saturday afternoon, walking on 2 legs, as if nothing had happened. Show-offs.

My mom and I have settled into a routine, but everything takes forever and I have to nap afterwards. Getting clean requires a nap. Moving from bed to couch requires a nap. Eating requires a nap. I have to keep reminding her that when she tidies up, which she likes to do (and don't get me wrong- without her here I would be so screwed) that although the crutches look neater up against the wall, I am then stuck where I am until she comes back into the room. Arms reach is my limit; anything farther away might as well be in Siberia.

Visiting nurse came yesterday - my blood pressure is low and I have a fever, but apparently neither are unusual. I'm supposed to get a lot of sodium and water to help balance things out. I'm also freaking nauseous if I don't constantly eat (my pregnant friend, who has suffered horribly with morning sickness, came over with 2 huge boxes of Special K; it's been a lifesaver). I'm on a medication called Coumadin to keep my blood thin so that it doesn't clot, because that would be superbad and happens easily, and every Monday and Thursday a lab tech comes to draw blood to test. The annoying thing about it is that all green vegetables are off limits, because they contain vitamin K, which is a coagulant. With vegetables as the cornerstone of my normal diet, I can only say oy. And this will be for the next 6 weeks. Double oy.

The leg is pretty big still but going down a little every day. We took some incision pictures yesterday morning but frankly, they're obscene. Scar porn, if you will. Even with my high tolerance for grossness, and your odd desire to know every intimate detail of my life, I dare not defile our relationship quite so soon, Gentle Reader.

Also my sacrum has swollen from only being able to sleep/nap/live on my back. Not to put too fine a point on it, but my butt hurts. Obviously the scar side I can't lie on and the other side is hard too because of the weight of my Frankenleg bearing down on it. I managed to flip over onto my stomach holding onto the headboard and with my good leg wedged under the other. It felt so good to be on my belly for a few minutes, although the entire maneuver was a little My Left Foot. Physical therapist starts coming today so I'll find out if that's even allowed.

And basically that's it. I'm crazy tired a lot, and have the unfortunate position of asking friends not to visit for too long because I get tired so quickly, although my energy seems to come and go in waves. Writing this has taken the better part of today, in shifts. Every 10 mins I have to ask my mom to get me something and she is being a superstar. Probably only a mother would have the patience for this job. I am so lucky to have her here taking care of me. I love you mom.

P.S. The first person to email me with the name of the play that the title quote comes from wins a copy of my latest book, Sudoku: Cool Breeze Over the Mountains of My Brain.